Man . . . what a year. So many things to say, so many things to tell. This has been the hardest year of my life. I can appreciate there are obviously people who have it worse. Praise God I still have my health. You know? I don't have cancer like some people. My little boy is healthy and wonderful, and some people have children in a pediatric ICU as I write this. There's some perspective . . . I have a lot to be grateful for (I know bad grammar - forgive me [it will continue, I'm sure]). But I've had to really dig deep this last year . . . I suppose I don't need to rehash everything - anyone reading this can go back and look and see what happened. I detailed most of it here.
I sort of stopped posting for awhile because I was pretty fucking depressed. My marriage is basically over . . . I mean you can't entirely blame her - I really screwed things up for her for awhile. Women need a certain amount of security and I didn't provide that very well. She's not a bad person, she's just been hurt. My wife does not forgive well - she definitely does not forget. We can't seem to talk a out "us" without arguing - ok. That hurts, but its just the way things are. For as long as I can remember I've wanted that family - be a daddy and a husband - have my little life like that. It doesn't look like things will work out that way. We are getting along in a very businesslike and professional manner with regards to Sam which is good. He does not like it when we argue. He's a good kid.
In the meantime I was out on the road going to a bunch of interviews. Yeah that crazy isn't? I actually had some great interviews at some pretty great places in spite of how bad I screwed the pooch out in Ohio. At the tops of my list are Utah, Texas A&M, Iowa, and Creighton - liked them a lot. I will probably take into consideration places my wife might move. The thought of spending years away from my kid tears me up worse than I can possibly explain . . .
I spent the afternoon with him. We went to the park. He played on the playground, then the swings, then the slides, then swings again, back to the slide, up the hill to the merry-go-round, up the top of the hill, then running down the hill at full speed (when your center of gravity is that low . . . you can do that), back to the swings . . . I love playing with him. He missed me so much over the last few months. Jo said he'd cry for me. He's been acting out less and sleeping in his own bed all night long (I had to kick the monsters out of his closet - monsters don't mess with daddy).
And that's that for now . . . maybe Ill try and keep this updated more often. Later guys.
