“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe, shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”
~ John Jakes
I have not been at the blogging much lately. Mostly, because I've been busy. My day starts out ay 5:30AM, I snooze until 6:00. I enjoy the morning meeting and then I'm off to the gym, workout for an hour, shower at the gym (this is new to me, but it works pretty damn well), and I go to work. Nine to Five is what I normally work, but since we've been coming up on deadlines and we want to get many projects published - that means weekends and late-nights sometimes. Monday and Wednesday night I'm at a physicians support group. But, busy is good for me. The real reason I've not been blogging is that life's been . . . well . . . calm. It's amazing how when you stop drinking, drugging, lying, cheating, stealing that life seems to smooth out - go figure. How many of you want to read about a "normal" life? I don't know . . . all I know if that life is much better today.
I'm still living a thousand miles from my wife and son, BUT we've reached an equilibrium for now. I miss my kid. He's so awesome and he knows I'm gone. He asks to see me and it breaks my heart. One day he even started crying when I was talking to him on the phone - fuck if that doesn't hurt. He's my little guy and I'm here and he's there, but these are MY consequences and all of my struggles and metal anguish makes me stronger. In large part I know what I am today and what I need to do everyday because of this pain - life's greatest teacher.
Thus, we come to the subject of my blog today: personal statement. I'm reapplying to internal medicine residency and I've been putting of this personal statement thing. I wrote one back in August, but while waiting for enough time to pass to ask Dr. Longo to write me letter (and he has written a nice letter, a good letter, a letter better than I deserve), I decided I did not like my original personal statement. I mean, this statement has to be really, really, really good. I need to explain my shananigans, take responsibility for all of my wreckage, yet at the same time convince people I'm going to be the kind of resident that programs will want. I'm pretty good at being hard on myself, but not so good at selling myself, especially when I've dealt with this crazy inferiority complex my entire life.
Anyway . . . this solves, not much, but perhaps getting down here will break open the flood gates. Wish me luck . . . I think I'm going to need it.
Later.
