"It's only after you've lost everything," Tyler says, "that you're free to do anything."
~ Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 8
Damn. I've been putting off this update for some time now. I've been meaning to . . . but the willingness is really in the doing is it not? Whatever. I was hoping for better news, and I do not really have better news, but thankfully I have no bad news to report. Life isn't horrible - it isn't what I would like for it to be, for sure - but, no, not horrible. Things could be much worse. I actually have this huge lump of serenity sitting in my pocket and I'm at peace. I know the thought of that - no job, no permanent living situation, possible bankruptcy and forclosure - must horrify those of you on your "10 years plans" but you know what? And I say this with all due respect - seriously - FUCK 10 year plans! I mean I'm not recommending recklessness or stupidity - I definitely don't recommend my pathway to "success" - but, shit man, take the stick out of your ass (and the stick out of the ass of the stick in your ass) if there is one and breathe. We are MORE than our plans, and jobs, and homes, and stuff. Anyway . . . I didn't plan a rant, but there you have it.
The job front is pretty damn anemic, although I'll have more leads on Thursday after a strategically scheduled meeting with one of my former deans, and I've more than likely got a spot working on some medical research if all else fails - I'll be paid dick, but I can get paid dick working a cash register, delivering pizza, or serving coffee. I may as well get paid dick for doing medical research - get the logic? There will be water is God wills it . . .
Got to see my wife and kid this weekend. YEAH! I love my son. He's the most awesomest, woderfulest, bestest little dude in the world and he can kick your kids ass. Of course I am being objective! I resent the accusation! :-) We hung out. Played with trains, cars, and planes. We read stories. We ran around the yard and drove in the car together. I miss him. I miss him more than I can describe here. He's the greatest thing I've ever done and I'm hurting being away from him. My wife, well . . . she's still pissed. Can you blame her? I fuck things up and she end sup living with my parents? WTF?! You'd be pissed too, but she's safe and has a place to live. I hope we stay together.
So . . . keep up the good fight? I'll try. I'm not good at this, but I seem to be getting better. Talk about growth . . . well, I wouldn't wish this kind of growth on my worst enemy (Ok, so yes I would, and I'd add prison time, but it's progress not perfection, and God's still working on me and maybe someday I'll be better towards my enemies)
We'll see you guys. Wish me luck. Prayers if you like. Later.
1 comment:
Backup and security is worth more than fine gold. I am pleased for you that you have that. Living with parents? Not the best but I suppose it is better than living under a bridge or out of your car.
Don't sweat the financial stuff. Any person or organization who will make 100% loan on a house deserves to be taken to the cleaners. It will be a great learning experience for those who made the loan. In fact it kinda tickles me that the idiots will be taken for an unexpected "ride" in the immediate and near future. Well good for them.
Hang in there, medical research would be interesting and a direct line to the final goal just isn't as interesting as a little wandering.
As always, keep the faith.
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