On the road, new beginings, and updates

“Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

It's been awhile since my last post, and I would have liked to have updated my small, but albeit loyal, group of readers sooner, but life happened - kind of like shit, and both concepts are not necessarily mutually exclusive, really. This may be a bit of a longish post, please bear with me.

We last left off the night before my leaving California - the sadness hard to describe - and my struggle to find meaning in a world where my role and life were changing. 10 days gone and I miss California. I realize now that it had become home. My home. My first real home as an adult. It's been tough. People in Ohio drive like shit and the cops will give you a ticket for like 3 over (motherfuckers! [need more crime in Ohio, make mental note]). I have no friends here, no family here. It is just me, my wife, and my child and that will have to be enough. Moving is hard. Moving over 2000 miles daunting, terrifying, but I'm still here and I'm still kicking. I'm sad, lonely, confused, and angry (with retarded driving), but in one piece, thank God.

My struggle with meaning has taken a back seat position for the time being. I have no idea when I'll come across the idea again, but I've made progress and I'm happy where I've come. I think I am begining to begin to "get it". Satisfying? Nope, but it will have to be enough for now.

My drive out of California was uneventful enough, didn't get on the road until like 2 PM and I sat in traffic all the way through the Cajone Pass - took me over two hours to get to Victorville. If a disaster ever hit in SoCal FORGET about getting out, you better hole up, and hope you have enough ammunition and wiskey to get you through. Made it into Hays, KS (where my folks live) Saturday evening. It was nice to spend time with them. Sam was there! I missed him, and we had lots of fun. I planned on spending 2 days, but only had the pleasure of one . . .

Because, my lovely wife who went out ahead of me to Ohio by a day, had decided our new home needed some renovations - NOW - and was up to her asshole in alligators - the kind that call themselves "Steve" and go by the handle "Handyman". Fucking-A! I had to drive all night from Hays to Dayton, Ohio, leaving Hays around 2 in the afternoon. Fuck, a man can do it, but he doesn't really want to. Ok, I need to take a minute to say that my wife is NOT stupid (she never reads this blog, so I'm not kissing her ass, merely providing some context), but she is impulsive. Two sides to the same coin? Maybe. She had found a contractor out of the yellow pages and the cost of the job began to escalate. She panicked. I panicked. I drove all night. Get the idea? Halfway to Dayton my wife calls to tell me she had established a pretty solid boundry, gotten a solid estimate of price for services - in writing - and that things had calmed down considerably. Praise God! I was proud of her. Before that moment, I was a nervous wreck and we were about ready to tell this guy to get lost and procede with the nastiness that would insue, so I was glad the situation had improved.

Turns out, Steve is actually a pretty decent guy, but a strange one - got some mild Axis II stuff. Handled properly we should have no problems. He is actually upset that he will be unbale to finish this job when he said . . . which was this last Friday . . . Honestly, I don't know what he was thinking with this job, but what I do know is that I just want people out of my house and my house back in one piece so I can enjoy the motherfucker. I bought a fucking a house and I can't even shower here yet. It's another oppourtunity for growth and I'm growing and pissed about it.

But for now . . . Joanne's bitching at me - hates the typing sound - and tommarow is my first day of work stuff so I'll catch you guys on the other side. Keep coming back. It only gets worse I'm sure.