We're all going to fucking die!

"This is the way the fucking world ends. Look at this fucking shit we're in man. Not with a bang, but with a whimper. And with a whimper, I'm fucking splitting, Jack"
~ Photojournalist, Apocalypse Now

Imagine, if you will, your balls have been doused with kerosine and set ablaze, oh(!) and your dog got run over, and you lost your job. Well, that is nothing compared to this, this is worse than that, much worse. What's worse than all of that?! (I mean those are your nuts!) Global Warming of course! Haven't you been paying attention?! You should be well on your way to building your little self-sustaining bunker by now, and the only excuse you have for not knowing this information is that you have preemptively already located yourself to the bunker - isolated from all contact! It seems we are all going to fucking die and it's man's fault! At least, that's the snake oil, every media news outlet seems to be pedling these days. Doom and fucking gloom. I was going to let this one be for a bit and tackle some other more interesting topics, but I've been compelled by recent events and this morning's LA Tmes (What sound? Oh! That sound! That was me vomiting) to shed a little bit of special fucking light on this subject so that you mental midgets and intellectual defectives can understand - I know I'll have to speak slowly and avoid using the "big boy" words.

Before getting to some specifics it's probably best to look at some "bad thinking" and the best place to start is the tired old line: "all the scientists think man is causing global warming". Really? You don't say . . . all the fucking scientists?! Well, why didn't you say so earlier! I'm glad that is settled. Idiots. You're all a bunch of fucking idiots! (I must pause at this point to rage at the sky and punt more than one small dog over my fence). This is not only an example of magical thinking, but of fallacious thinking. Oh shit, I went and used of dem dere fancy "big boy" words. Fallacy. Look it up idiot . . . or, perhaps, kill yourself either way you do the world a favor. Not only is the "all the scientists . . ." retarded but it's guilty of being two fallacies at once. The statement is an appeal to authority - questionable on the grounds that those scientists studying the phenomenon have a real financial stake in the form of government funding to push such an idea as global warming caused by man - and an appeal to popularity, sometimes referred to as a the bandwagon fallacy. Therefore just because some scientists believe man is cauing global warming and just because the idea seems to be popular with the ever so lovable self-hating liberal crowd, it must be fucking true? Right? Wrong asshole - dead wrong. Neither argument establishes the validity of the claim. You may have have run into this counter argument growing up a la, "if everyone jumped off a bridge would you too?" What if the scientists all agreed you should? I think you should. Now GO fucking jump asshole.

So is it really every scientist? I mean every scientist thinks man is causing global warming? Well, here's a few who disagree. One of my favorite quotes from one of those scientists, who is NOT all the scientists, about man caused global warming: "There is no meaningful correlation between CO2 levels and Earth's temperature over this [geologic] time frame. In fact, when CO2 levels were over ten times higher than they are now, about 450 million years ago, the planet was in the depths of the absolute coldest period in the last half billion years. On the basis of this evidence, how could anyone still believe that the recent relatively small increase in CO2 levels would be the major cause of the past century's modest warming?" Tim Patterson, paleoclimatologist and Professor of Geology at Carleton University in Canada. What the fuck? It was colder when CO2 was higher and the dinosaurs didn't even have SUV (or DID they?! - [mayhaps we have found the real consipracy])

Check out this graph of ice core data (linked to the original):


Notice the CO2 increases and the temperature increases. Well fuck me running sideways and over speedbumps it seems that in the past there was BOTH increases of CO2 and increases in temperature without mankind causing any of it?! How the fuck did that happen? I'm sure we're somehow responsible for that too. You know like future man has created time traveling devices and is running around in the past driving SUV's and buring coal. Right? Don't be a fucking idiot. Think! Is man really causing what has already been estalished to be a natural phenomenon in the past. Seriously.

Truth is, while we have some ice core data, we have no real hard measurements of anything really father back than the 1880's. In 1714, Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit invented the first mercury thermometer. However, it was not until the late 1800s that thermometers become widely available and accurate enough to keep track of temperatures regularly. We have about 100 years worth of hard data on temperature, yet, oddly yet, I am spposed to believe that a bunch of assholes know what is happening and why? Whatever.

It turns out that, in fact, the entire solar system is warming: Martian ice caps are melting and Pluto has been warming for some time. Hmmmm so the Earth is warming, Mars is warming and even Pluto is warming. How so massah?! How is this possible. Well children, there is this big fucking reactor thingy at the center of the solar system, and as it turns out, it emits radiation and some of this radiation is converted into heat when it come into contact with a solid surface, like a planet. We call it "the sun". There are more than a few scientists, who just so happen to NOT be in the "all" scientists category referenced earlier, who think that changes in the sun are the main culprit for whatever global warming we might be currently experiencing. It seems to best fit the data - all the data jackasses. Go figure, a natural explanation.

Are we all going to fucking die? Well, if the planet keeps warming like it is we're in for a wild ride, but guess what? It's not your fault. The science is NOT in. The science is NOT conclsuive. There is not a single shred of real evidence that says the current warming trend is man's fault whatsoever. If it's all so "conclusive" then you will have no trouble finding me a peer-reviewed study that conclusively links man's activities to the warming planet. Please continue searching because if you are searching you are an asshole and you will end up searching until you DIE because NO STUDY EXISTS! Now go fuck yourself!